Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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