oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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