my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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