Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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