How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
