all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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