i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
