He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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