Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
