so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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