Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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