I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
