I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
