last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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