She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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