He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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