Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
