the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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