Little spoons don't ask big questions
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
