Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got inside last night via doggy door
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
