My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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