Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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