I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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