I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
