It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
