I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
