Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
