my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
