yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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