i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
