its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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