if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
