Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
