Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
