sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
