If i come over, it means nothing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
