Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
