I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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