in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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