Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
