I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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