walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
