the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
