What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
