It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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