so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
