lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
