Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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