Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
