i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
