Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
